exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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