i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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