Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
