Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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