Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
