i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
