I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
