are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
