I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
