Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
