You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
