exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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