i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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