It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
