Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When are your genitals available?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
