it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
