If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
