She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
