It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
