A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
