WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
