I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
