Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
