Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
