what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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