just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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