No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
