this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
