So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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