Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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