Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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