if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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