apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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