I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
