Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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