I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
