She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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