piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
