You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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