It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
