Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
did you just send me my own nude
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
