we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the condom got lost in my hair
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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