Acid is not a monday night drug
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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