I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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