I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
