since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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