I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
