I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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