im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
