Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
