I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There are leaves in my underwear?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
