My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
