who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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