so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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